What I learned during the Pandemic

I can remember my reaction when people first started talking about Covid-19 on a widescale- I didn’t think it was a serious thing because, at that time, I did not consider the impact an airborne disease could have. Of course, I knew that people could get sick and I took it seriously for that reason, but like most, I didn’t think it was possible for the world to simply stop the way it did this summer. Now, fast forward to late August and the virus is still here and we have lived through various phases of society being closed and then reopening to various degrees, and I am finally going back to work in person as many people either are or already have. This sudden worldwide change that none of us saw coming not only showed how society could change at the drop of a hat, but it eventually showed me how we as humans can also adapt and change, despite a lifetime of conditioning. I have personally grown a great deal during the last several months of having to restructure my life to successfully work from home, finding new ways to get exercise, and being forced to find outlets to keep myself sane since many of the activities I would usually do were off-limits. This article will explore the ways I have personally changed as a result of the ongoing pandemic.
One of the biggest ways I have changed since earlier this year is in the way I go about getting physical activity. Before the pandemic, all of my exercises came from going to the gym and I typically used pre work out to do so. I would go to work in the morning, come home, and then go to the gym for about 30–45 minutes. Of course, this was when I was being “good”. There were many days, even weeks at a time, where I did nothing active and simply ignored my physical fitness besides the random laments of not being in shape the way I wanted to be. However, that started to change this summer. I hated being outside before. I despised sweating in public and most of all I just didn’t like being hot because being hot inside the gym somehow feels different from the heat that comes from being exposed to the sun. At some point, I had to realize that if I wanted to take control of my life and my body, I would need to adapt. I slowly started the process of getting outside and running and I now realize that I actually love it.
For my entire life, I said that I would never be a runner. I would run around the indoor track a few times to warm up, but I never thought that I could be a person who ran for 30 plus minutes in the hot sun. I realize now that besides the general physical discomfort of working out outside, it was my insecurities that stopped me from trying. Being a person who has struggled for as long as I can remember with my weight, the way I look when I sweat has always bothered me. I hate seeing my shirts stick to my body, I hate the way it seems my “muffin top” protrudes, and I always ended up wearing oversized shirts to hide my weight gain. I also knew that I was bad at running because I had never been taught to do it. The last thing I wanted to do was to go running in public and have them point and laugh for my horrible running form. I acknowledge that my fears and insecurities about what other people would say have always crippled me. In many ways, I have conformed my life to avoid the things that I “know” others would say negatively without even giving them the chance to say it.
Recently, I have been running. I have been going in the afternoons with a close friend and we run separately. I make no secret of the fact that I walk more than I run, but it’s the fact that I am working out in a brand-new way that excites me. I look forward to going to the running trail now because I also know that I am working out parts of my body that I ignored before. I have even learned to enjoy being outside- it’s still not my favorite place to be, but I have stopped avoiding it as though the sun would kill me. What my experience has taught me is that I may not be the best at everything, but that does not mean I can’t try it and maybe even do a decent job. Again- I never thought I would call myself a runner, but I do. The same is true for the pandemic overall- I never once thought we would have to adjust to being afraid of this type of virus that seemingly came out of nowhere, but here we are.
Another thing that this experience with the pandemic has taught me is that you have to be willing to put yourself out there and try without being crippled by what you think could go wrong. For example, I am a writer! I was born to write and I know that I am meant to pursue that as a career, however, there are so many things I have never done out of fear. Until recently I had never tried to write a novel, I have never submitted any of my fiction for publication, and most of all, I often go long periods without writing at all. Nothing happens without action and none of us can get to where we want to be without risking failure- it’s a difficult concept to grasp, but failure is truly one of the best lessons we could experience. My biggest fear in life is being told I am a bad writer. Not that I am mediocre or that I have work to do, but that I am a bad writer- end of discussion! My constant struggle as an artist is to put that behind me and to realize that I’ll lose either way if I refuse to at least try. I am still learning to embody this idea, but I am getting better day by day.
Without realizing it, we all have assumptions about ourselves that ultimately hold us back, and success means finding ways to get past that. For example, working remotely this summer required me to appear on zoom calls with parents more often than I wanted. I felt extremely insecure about this but after a while, it hit me that insecurities are only thoughts and those thoughts are roadblocks between you and your goal. If my goal is to present to a group of parents about what my company offers, I need to let that thought guide me and not think about what could go wrong to the point that I am paralyzed by fear. I have spent a lifetime holding myself back, and now I am ready to accomplish all that I can fathom for my life.